How often should you have sex once to enjoy a fully satisfying relationship? There is no one stone stone answer. Studies show that the average person in a relationship has sex once a week. This means that some people are more prone to feeling depressed and dirty, while others experience occasional dry spells.
Speaking of dry spells, how long is too much without sex? Can intimacy survive without actual sex? These are questions that most people want to know, even those who enjoy a high sexual dynamic in a relationship.
Psychologists and sex therapists have been trying to find answers for years. That’s what their research suggests.
How long is too long without sex?
Several studies have been conducted to understand the various aspects of having sex (not having sex) in a relationship.
Sexless relationships and marriages are not uncommon. In one study, 16% of respondents confirmed that they had not had sex with their partner in the past month. According to sex therapists, about 15% of couples are in a sexless relationship (they have not had sex in the past six months).
While the numbers paint a pretty grim picture, analyzing relationships is not entirely dependent on data. There are other factors that must be considered, some of which are even more important than the numbers.
These studies obviously did not consider sexual quality. Some people may be having lots and lots of bad sex, which is obviously just as unsatisfactory as having no sex at all. Global studies show that about 30 percent of people are dissatisfied with the quality of their sex lives, which could be a more damaging trend than the occasional drought.
Some people in a relationship may enjoy an exciting sex session from time to time. According to libido and sexual desire, these people can still feel happy and fulfilled in their relationships despite having less frequent intercourse.
It’s also important to understand why people don’t have sex.
In some cases, sexless relationships may be based on a loss of passion and attraction. In other cases, daily stress, having to travel, caring for young children and other responsibilities can also lead to dry spells.
The most important measure of relationship satisfaction should revolve around how the two people feel. If they are happy and close, the dry spell is not necessarily a cause for concern.
The dry spell is a sign of trouble
For many, the lack of sex itself is not a problem. Droughts come and go, and things will eventually return to normal.
However, not having sex with a partner can lead to other problems. Some of the most common problems caused by prolonged drought include:
• Low self-esteem and feeling unloved
• Body image issues
• Resentment
• Poor communication, feeling like you are not being seen or heard
• Very stressful
• Negative thoughts about your partner
• Feeling less connected, considering alternatives and breaking up
• Rising levels of relationship dissatisfaction
For some people, these conditions may occur after a month without sex. Others may be able to maintain a close and deep connection for longer, especially if certain complications or daily challenges cause dry periods.
If you are going through an asexual period, you need to ask yourself how you feel. Aren’t you satisfied? Do you still love and desire your partner? Are you both willing to pursue change to make things better? If the answer is yes, then you probably shouldn’t give up on the relationship just yet. Fortunately, there are many steps you can take to overcome the dry spell and regain your passion.
What can you do to improve your sexless relationship
The first and most important step to improvement is communication.
Have you expressed your feelings? Does your partner know you need more sex?
Some people get so wrapped up in worry and stress that they don’t even realize how long it’s been since they’ve had intimate contact with their partner. If you don’t bring it up, they may not know anything about your dissatisfaction. The current dynamic will continue until your relationship reaches a point beyond repair.
Once you put your cards on the table, you have to start thinking about the possibilities for promoting improvement.
Scheduling sex is a simple idea that can lead to good results. While it may not sound sexy at all, planned sex can be very beneficial. This is an important step in rekindling intimacy and is recommended by most therapists.
Scheduling sex can put you in the mood for sex. This approach builds expectations. In fact, you’ll feel like you’re getting ready for your first date and will be excited throughout the day.
If sex has taken the heat out of you, you definitely need to consider doing something new in the bedroom. Talk about your fantasies and explore these scenarios. Some light role-playing or bondage will release those sources of sexual creativity. Sex toys suitable for beginners, such as dildos with ultra-realistic skin, will also allow you to dream up all the wonderful sexual scenarios you can explore later.
Finally, don’t think about social standards or compare yourself to other couples. Browsing online articles or talking to friends may make you feel like other people are having sex all the time. This is not the case.
In order to face their insecurities and worries, many people exaggerate. They paint a picture far removed from reality. No matter what your partner does, comparing yourself to such a non-existent ideal will cause you to feel inadequate.
A good sex life is often the glue that keeps a relationship going, but over time it can wear off. This is a problem that most couples in long-term relationships face. Sometimes dry spells signal deeper problems. At that point, a relationship could be over for good.
In other cases, however, this is simply the result of complications. Addressing these issues and working together to end the dry spell can lead to better intimacy, more satisfaction, and stronger relationships.
